Cursed
by Neliel Von Schweetz
Summary: The fear killed me inside. I ran, hoping it was all just a nightmare. By this time, I wish it really is a nightmare.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer : I don't own Ouran.

Warnings : Also contains horror and gore. Read at your own pace.

Chapter 1 : A New Resolve

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><p><em>Tap tap tap<em>

I walked through the halls, empty and silent. Another was dead. Another loved one lost. I am forever cursed. Never to love. Never to cherish. Never to feel. Never to be surrounded with loved ones. But forever to be alone. What purpose do I have in this world? why am I alive? only death follows wherever I go. Why must I wander this earth alone? It's cold. This loneliness is cold. I want to love. I want to cherish. I want to have feelings. I want to be surrounded with loved ones. But if I do, their fates will only lead upon death.

Outside the halls of the abandoned building, I was met with blood. The blood of the new friends I had made. I had been careless. I stared at them in horror. "Asami... Hoshiko... Suzu..." I murmured. My knees trembled. They were all wonderful friends. I had been lonely at the school I was at. I scared everyone. But those three... were the only ones who tried to become my friends. I was rude. I was cold to them. But no sooner had I expected, we had become friends. I can never love. But, no sooner had I expected, I had grew to love those three. I had been careless, and had lost control of my heart. Asami's head was cut off, her eyes still open, staring straight into mine.

Blood poured out of her body, her limbs chopped off, blood gushing all over. Her still open eyes from her detached head still stared right back at mine. My hands trembled. Breaking my gaze from her eyes, I moved them over to Hoshiko. Her body had been slit open, organs spilling. I trembled even more, and my legs were beginning to lose control. I moved my eyes over to Suzu. Her leg had been torn apart from her body, and head detached. I covered my mouth with my hand. The tears were rolling down. I fell to my knees. And cried for them. I sobbed, mourning for those wonderful three. I'll never forget them. My first friends. I had yearned for love, and look at what happens. Death.

"A-Asami... H-H-Hoshiko... S-Suzu... I... I... I'm so sorry... I n-never meant for this to happen... I... I'm sorry... I... I p-promise... I'll... never forget y-you... and I p-promise... I... I WON'T LOVE AGAIN!" I screamed. I moved my hand, and clutched the area where my heart was suppose to be. Tears were rolling down like a waterfall on my cheeks. I clutched the area more, and screamed in pain. I hate my heart... I... I hate it... I hate it... so... so much. Why... why can't I die?! Why... why do I have to suffer?! why... why can't I die?

"Because, it's my own entertainment..."

I turned around, and clutched myself, breathing heavily. My body trembled more to the voice. I knew I was supposed to run. But after hearing that voice, I was too afraid to run.

"Please..." I murmured, "please... let me die. Let me die... please... please, I beg you... please..."

"No." the voice growled, "It's your fate. And you don't run, you brat. Accept it, and suffer."

The voice chuckled. But that chuckle formed into hysterical laughter. I moved my hands to my ears, sobbing. Insane laughter was heard all over. I can't take it... I have to run... now. Asami... Hoshiko... Suzu... I... I'm sorry... I promise... I'll never love again. I promise you. I slowly stood up, and ran away from the building. I ran and ran. When I looked back, the black building was on fire. Fire had shadowed the black building, and within the fire was the figure of that voice.

My eyes widened, adrenaline surging through my veins. I ran faster, blinking away the tears. "Asami... Hoshiko... Suzu... I'm sorry... goodbye..." I whispered, and ran away, I ran as fast as I could, and finally reached my hotel room in the Vladimier, a fancy hotel I resided in. I can't love. I can't. I'm forbidden to.

I packed all my things in two suitcases, and ran out the door. I stopped at the hotel lobby, and paid for my stay. I ran out the door. I am in New York City. It's a beautiful extravagant city, if only my smell didn't stench the place, would it truly be a magnificent city. I waved my hand out, beckoning a shiny yellow cab to come to me. I flung open the door, and put my suitcases in and got in the yellow cab as quickly as I can.

"Where to?" the driver asked.

"The airport. Get me there in an hour, and I'll give you a hundred."

At this, the driver's face brightened, and he started the engine. I immediately put on my seat belt, and clung to the handle on the top of my seat. The driver zoomed to the streets, cars honking, pedestrians yelling. I want to leave this city. I've already killed people. I've been living here for a few months. I could have lived here, if only I didn't yearn for love. Because... because of my stupid heart. I need to leave. I can't remember those memories with those three... I can't. Because of me... because of me... those three wonderful girls are dead. Dead. I shouldn't have been careless, this... is all my fault. No one wants me, no one loves me. Death is all that follows me.

Tears escaped my eyes, and the driver zoomed off, and horrendously drove, almost knocking over a car or two. I need to leave, to go somewhere else. Where I won't hurt anyone. It would have taken approximately five hours to get to the airport, but the way the driver drove, we would get there in an hour. I would have lived in solitude... but I must keep up my studies. My cruel uncle says so. I've never been loved. My uncle was the one who gave me this fate, all for the purpose of regaining wealth for his shrewd company. Money is all that matters to him. My parents died because of me... I'm never to love. My uncle still intends to let me go to school, not caring who would die because of me. Unless it was related to business.

"We're here." the driver announced. I nodded, and wiped away my tears. I took out my suitcases, and gave him a hundred. His face was filled with joy and greed, his hands reaching for that filthy money. "Thank you! have a nice day!" the driver yelled out, clutching the hundred dollars, and drove away. I clenched my teeth. And ran to the gate of the airport.

"One ticket to Tokyo, Japan, business class." I quickly said. The lady looked through her computer. "Would you like to board the plane going in twenty minutes, or the other going in two hours?" she asked. "The one boarding in twenty minutes. "Passport please." she said. I handed her my passport. She looked at me and the picture of my passport, and scanned it. "Are you albino?" she asked, gesturing to my silver hair and red eyes. "Sure." I said, and took my ticket, and ran off. I looked at my ticket. Gate 23B. I ran, and soon found it. We were boarding in ten minutes. I sat in a chair, waiting for someone to come, and board us on the plane.

It's a cold day in New York today. A bitterly cold one. A tear ran down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away. I slowly took out the mirror from my suitcase. I had long silver hair, reaching my mid-back, and crimson red eyes. Who am I? a nuisance to people, or am I a monster? I don't know. I don't know what deal my uncle made with them. I don't even know who they are. I wore a black headband, and red heart earrings. I was wearing a black furry jacket, a long sleeved red shirt, a white skirt reaching my knees, and knee-high black boots reaching my knees, and mittens.

Can I just ran away? to somewhere with solitude? no people? could I disobey my uncle? no... I can't. He's a fearsome man. He'd find me in a matter of days. I have never really found a home. I was constantly moving, uncle said if I made someone die, I'd go to another place. It wouldn't be good for the reporters to know his neice was a mysterious killer. But I don't want to be a killer... although... I am indirectly one. When I just got to New York, he said if someone died, I was to go to Tokyo, Japan.

_"Plane 23B boarding now, to Tokyo, Japan."_ the intercom said.

I stood up, and the stewardesses boarded us onto the plane. I quickly found my seat, and sat in it. I had a window seat. The plane slowly flew up, and before I knew it, we were up in the air. I leaned back on my chair. Will Japan be different? or will it be the same. I sat in business class, and the sttewardess came up to me.

"Champagne or water?" she asked.

"Water." I said, giving her a glare. She nervously smiled, and poured water into my glass. "Please let me know if you need anything, alright?" she said. I silently glared at her, my eyes telling her to go. She nervously smiled, and walked away. The reason I can't ever love, is that I'm cursed. I don't know who cursed me. Or why I was cursed. I just know uncle made a deal. That involved money, and me. Would I ever escape this curse? would I? no, I wouldn't, I'm forever to be like this. But if it is a curse... maybe... just maybe... I can lift it. And then... death won't follow me wherever I go. I can be free. Freedom... what a sweet taste. Maybe... maybe I should lift my curse. I won't just live on this Earth as a waste of human life. I'll lift this curse. No matter what, I will lift this curse. That is my new purpose, now. I will lift this curse. And I won't kill anyone, again, ever.

A small smile curved on my lips. Even if it won't work... I'll do my best, and... I'll be free. I looked in a brochure uncle gave me. Ouran Academy. Will it be the same like before? no, I won't allow it. I swear, I won't kill anyone. I'll lift this curse, once and for all. I won't live in the dark again, but I'll be able to reside in the glorious light. That is my new resolve.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2 : Far Beyond Help_

_Author's Note : hope you enjoy, and some parts may be disturbing... Read at your own pace._

_Disclaimer : I do not own Ouran High School Host Club, it's as simple as that_

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><p>I laid in bed. I had arrived to Tokyo, Japan. I stared up at the ceiling, and the fan that hung from it. I wonder... what does it feel like to love? To be surrounded with life, to be in a perfect world. A world where pain does not exist... a world where there is no death... no anger... is it possible...? No. It isn't. Pain is a hidden secret from the world. Life is a beautiful lie. And death a painful truth. Pain demands to be felt. Pain is my only friend... my only family. Unlike all the other feelings bottled up inside, pain is not like happiness, anger, envy, or love. Pain is all alone. Pain suffers physically... and emotionally.<p>

_"Ring... ring... ring... ring..."_

I turned my head to the side, and eyed the phone that rang in my hand. I sat up, and stared at the name that shone on the phone. It was uncle. I answered the phone. "Raven? have you arrived in Tokyo?" asked uncle in his gruff voice. I answered "Yes, yes I have. I am now in the apartment."

"I see. Who did you kill in New York?"

"I... I-I d-didn't kill anyone..." I whispered.

"Raven, we both know that's not true. You are a killer yourself. You know that, don't lie. Now, who did you-"

_"I D-DIDN'T K-KILL A-ANYONE! I... I DIDN'T! I-"_

"Young lady. Don't you dare speak to me that way. Who did-"

_"I DIDN'T KILL ANYONE...! I... didn't.. I... I'm not... I'm not... A KILLER...!" _I yelled, and immediately hung up. I breathed in and out. In and out. I'm okay... I'm okay... I'm okay. I hyperventilated, memories flowing, pain surfacing once again. No, no, I need to stop remembering. Asami... Hoshiko... Suzu... no... no... no. My hands trembled, remembering. Those faces. Those sickening smiles. That man. Mother... father... I slowly made my way to the bathroom.

No, I'm not a killer... I'm not... I'm not... I argued along with the voice inside me, and turned the knob on the sink, and splashed the cold water onto my face. No one will die. No one will. I'll lift this curse... I will. I was still hyperventilating, unable to stop. I walked back to my bed, and laid there, just thinking. I slipped into my covers, questions going through my head, and fell asleep.

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><p>I went inside the limousine, and we drove off. Ouran Academy. My first day. I stared outside the window, girls in pale yellow dresses, giggling and chatting. I was wearing the same pale yellow dress, and it suited me quite well. We arrived in front of the academy, and the driver opened the door. I thanked him, and walked off to the academy. Eyes were glued onto me, whispering and pointing. I sighed, and walked to class.<p>

I placed a strand of my silver hair behind my ears. I began making my way to my class; class 1-A. I'm a freshman, and I could have finished my freshman year in New York... but it's all in the past now. It's time to move on, but I'll never forget Asami, Hoshiko, and Suzu. I quietly came in the class, and took a seat in the very back, next to a window. I looked at the clock ticking on the wall; twenty minutes until class started. I took out nonfiction novel, one about criminals and their human characteristics.

I was very interested in these kinds of things. Criminals, minds, characteristics, emotions. Finally, the bell had rung, and students began piling into the classroom. One after another, they all piled in. "Hey, what are you reading there?" peering over my shoulder was a red haired boy. "The Humane Characteristics Of Criminals?" peered another boy, exactly identical to the first, reading aloud the title. "Yes. I'm reading about criminals. Do you mind?" I politely asked. Although in translation, I was telling them "Get lost."

"Yep." the two said in unison. "Hikaru, Kaoru, can't you see she's trying to read? Leave her alone." across from us was a boy with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. It was easy to tell he was a she, because of the feminine features. "Come on, Haruhi." One of them whined. "No, just leave her alone. She's clearly annoyed." yes, yes I was. I was very annoyed. "Excuse me, but I'm going over there." I said getting up, and walked over to an empty seat in the other back corner, and resumed reading my book.

Much to my luck, the teacher had already stepped inside the classroom, and class started.

_- Lunch Time -_

I walked over to the cafeteria, ordered my meal, and headed down the hallways of Ouran Academy for a place to eat alone. I checked at all the libraries, and all were occupied. When I had opened the door, many eyes were on me, and made the situation awkward. I'm not used to being around too many people, or rather, be noticed. After spending at most 15 minutes searching, I found a place. It was an abandoned music room, and no one was occupied. The place was also rather clean. Sitting down on a chair, I begin to eat, not bothering to turn on the lights.

It's alright, to me, I've been living in darkness my entire life, so why should I even bother? I've lived a life no one will be able to bear. A life of running, hiding, killing without knowing. That's the type of person I am. An indirect killer. That's all I'll ever be. I used to... have dreams. I used to have faith. I.. I used to have hope. But that was all such a long time ago, when those things, the only things I had, were mercilessly taken away from me. Dreams turned into endless nightmares, Faith turned into being helpless. Hope... turned into a lie.

Why couldn't I have lived a different life? A life like this has no meaning. I don't know... I don't even know why I exist. I want to... I want to die. But that seems impossible, since I'm not allowed to, not until my time. Forbidden to ever love, cherish, or hold anything or anyone dear. If I ever did hold anyone dear, they would be dead in a matter of hours. Taken away, yet again. A selfish girl like me, caused the death of three young girls who deserved to live. Who deserved to have the time of their life, who deserved to live on until their time.

I... I remember that night... clear as day. I was only a toddler. Memories of that night must have plagued my mind to remember such a scene. A cold winter night, pure, white snow falling to the ground. Decaying bodies lying abound. The blazing fires of Hell engulfing a town. Ashes spread in the air, mother's shrill scream, fear spread over her face, before she was slit open, her own blood splashed on her face.

Organ after organ spilling, crimson blood coloring the snow into a dark claret. Eyes open, as the man in the shadows mercilessly slashed organ after organ, hysteric insane laughter heard all over the town. I, a mere toddler, was held by the other man, screaming, crying, sobbing, and squirming out of the man's grasp. It was no use, but the men did not seem to care if I was only a toddler. Blood had squirted onto our clothing, and I had lost all thought.

Father, beaten and thrashed by another man, slits on his body, heavy cuts, flowing streams of dark red. And had been thrown into the fire itself, with no hesitation. He was slowly engulfed by the Hellish fire, his screams calling for my mother, his pleads to the three men. A smile curved on the lips of the man, watching father's futile effort, as his screams, along with he, were engulfed into the fire, turning him into nothing but ash, as his entire being, was destroyed by my very eyes. My mind was tainted far before I ever learned to speak. I was merely two years old, as my entire town died before me. Mother was continuously being cut, as the man kissed her dead body tenderly, a sickening smile appearing. He claimed my dead mother his "broken doll"

He had then cut her head, and held her body and head, the other two men with him, me a toddler,no longer kicking, screaming, or biting. I was too stricken with fear to even function. In a blur, I remember, being taken to uncle's mansion. He was a young man, in his early twenties. Sitting on a velvet red arm-chair, near his two sides, were two women dressed in black. Uncle had worn a white suit, and a black tie. He smiled to the men, and sat up, much to his women's annoyance, and uttered unknown words to them. It wasn't actually unknown, but my toddler mind could not understand anything he said as my uncle shook the hands of the three masked men, in dark cloaks. I was then handed to uncle, my eyes still wide open, body shaking in fear.

The three masked men had disappeared, along with the dead body and head of my mother, in a flash. I don't know what they did to her body and head. Just that one of them had made her his "broken doll" thinking of the fact, I was terrified. Those horrifying memories came back, and I dropped my fork. I was then handed to one of the women in black from uncle, and the sickening smile from his lips, as the memory finally faded away. I clutched the area of my heart, as I felt it breaking into pieces once again. Strange how I'm feeling this. How can I have a broken heart, when I never had a heart in the beginning?

"Are you alright?" I nervously glanced up, to see a blonde man staring down at me, a smile spread on his lips. I must have sat here for a while, when the memories flowed in, that I didn't realize he was behind me and the lights were on. "I'm fine. Why do you ask?" I calmly questioned. "No you're not. If you are just fine, why are you crying?" he pointed out. Slowly raising my hand to my cheek, I felt the moisture of the tears, still raining down once more. "Oh... I'm crying..." I murmured. My lips trembled as I remembered all the other things. Everything that's happened up until now. Living seems to be like a foolish dream now. But why can't I die, when so many people wish it?

"Please, tell me what's wrong." the blonde said in a flirtatious manner. He knelt down to my knees, and reached for my hand. I immediately flinched when his finger only tapped my hand, and yanked it away from his grasp. Raising an eyebrow I said "And why would you want to help me? A person like you would be a ladies man, huh? And yet you offer me your help." although, my remark didn't help as the tears still rolled down as I desperately tried to hold on to that smirk.

I got up from my seat on the chair, and threw my meal in the nearby trashcan in the room, not bothering to eat any of it. I opened the door, and before I got out, the blonde grabbed my wrist. "Please, princess, come to the host club after school today. I'll help you." Scoffing, I yanked my hand away. "Princess? Now you're calling me a princess? and to think you're a host. Hosts entertain ladies, do they not? and why would I want you to "help" me? I'm far beyond help than you know." I retorted, and left.

_- After School -_

I waited outside the Academy. The chauffeur's late. What an annoyance. The wind flowed by, shaking dead leaves off a nearby tree. Autumn. Breathing in the cold air, a hand snatched my wrist, and pulled me away. "Stop! Stop! What do you think you're doing?!" Glancing behind me, the blonde from earlier smiled. "You're the lady in distress, right? Your prince here will now soothe your aching heart~!" He yelled out dramatically, swooning in the process. I furrowed my brows together. What in the world am I seeing right now? I yanked my wrist back away from him. "Soothe my aching heart?! Prince?! I need nothing of that. Lady in distress, please. I've had enough of such frivolous behavior." I yelled back, stomping off away. "Please take it all back!" I looked down on my leg, and surely, the man was holding on to my leg. "Ahhh! Pervert! Get off me, right now!" I glared. The blonde trembled a little, and slowly got off my leg.

I couldn't blame him. I had a menacing glare indeed. "But please, come to the host club later some day!" he yelled back. I turned around and faced him, a look of annoyance and pure hatred etched across my face. "And why would I visit your little club? Going does not benefit me. Now, please, go before I lose my temper." I said as calmly as I could. Just in that moment, the chauffeur drove by, and opened the door for me.

"I'm sorry I'm late mistress! The traffic was just-" I rose a hand up to silence him. "You were late. I don't care if it was the traffic that kept you, but if you had been smarter, you would have left earlier. Your apology is unaccepted." I said with venom, before sliding into the leather seats of the limousine. I can't ever be soft with anyone now. I can't. Ever. They'll only have more of a risk to be loved by me. And then, mercilessly taken away, like the rest.

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><p>AN : Guys... you still gotta vote, you know! .

So, go on my profile, and vote for who she should be with! And I'm picking one of the top 3-5, kay? I hope you enjoyed this chapter, bye!

-Nell

**UPDATE : **Votings are closed :-( sorry...


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3 : Bow Down To Me._

Author's Note : I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you for reviewing/following/favoriting!

_Disclaimer : All rights to Ouran goes to Bisco Hatori. I only own my original characters._

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><p>I sighed as boredom got to me. True, this is painstakingly easy, but there's something called "boredom" and "homework" that blend together easily. I've been going to places here and there my entire life, and never settled in an area for a long time... except New York. That city... if I were to come back there again, I don't think I'll be able to even walk without remembering any memories. Over the years, I've learned up to four languages. English, French, Japanese, Spanish, and Russian. English, Japanese, and Spanish of which I've excelled at, and French and Russian being average in. Yes, I'm 14, and know five languages, but what would you expect, from a person who's been travelling all her life?<p>

As much fun as it sounds... it's not entirely fun. Moving here and there, after just a short while, you yearn for a place to call "home" I've thought about that a lot. Home. At a time, New York was my home, and my heart had been selfish. I act as if I don't have a heart, but everyone does. Although, mine is more black and shriveled up. No matter how small... a heart is a heart. If I could... if I could leave all this... I would love to. But fate has been unkind to me, hasn't it? I watched as the cat clock on the wall of my apartment shifted it's eyes, moving it's eyes and tail this way and that. A cat clock. These people who made these apartments, must have a sense of humor.

I sat at my mahogany wood coffee table, sitting on a white couch with blue pillows sprawled over, a white flower vase filled with pink carnations. A cup of coffee sat in the far left of the table, and homework in front of me. I continued to finish a few problems of math, finished, wrote an essay on Matsuo Basho, finished, and a letter in French, that finished too.

With nothing better to do, I stood up, and looked at the glass wall in front of me. My apartment was in a skyscraper; it had a glass wall looking over the city. I walked over, cup of coffee in hand. The streets were filled with people. Cars zooming off to their destinations. But what caught my eye was a couple. A petite brunette girl and a dark-haired boy, holding hands, laughing. Laughter, huh? I haven't done that in a while. It's been a week since I met that blonde man in music room 3. And during the week, he, that crossdresser, Haruhi along with the red-haired twins would try and think of any way to get me to come. Being the stubborn person I am, I refused and destroyed every tactic of theirs.

Continuing to look at the young couple down from the streets below, I thought of him. My first love. My... first l-l-love, huh? Shaking my head, I refused to remember. I won't remember. I'm going to move on... and forget. The couple looked happy, as they joked together, the dark-haired boy receiving a kiss on the cheek from his girl. Blushing beet red, the boy just stood there. The girl laughed, running ahead, him just behind her. A small smile made its way on my lips. Just as I was in a trance, I felt my phone vibrating. Taking it out the pocket of my jeans, I flipped it open.

"Hello?"

"Raven, it's uncle."

My smiled dropped. What did he want with me? Couldn't he had chosen to leave me alone...?

"Yes?"

"Since you wouldn't say who you killed, I asked one of my underlings to find out. They were just three girls, not family of business partners. We wouldn't want any family of my business partners dying, don't we Raven?"

"Yes."

"Good. Do well in your academics, and by the time you finish college, you can be in solitude whenever you want. Just remember. I am neither your friend or enemy."

"Of course."

I could hear his smile on the other end. "Raven, I have a request, my niece." I raised an eyebrow. A request. A request. I was laughing my head off inside. From everything he's done up until now, from every insult he threw at me, from every slap to the face, he still has the nerve to ask me "a request"

"I won't do it." I said monotonously. "Raven," his voice now stern, "when I ask for 'a request' I'm not asking. I'm commanding. Do you understand?" I closed my eyes for a few seconds. "What is it." I finally breathed out. "You are not supposed to speak to me in that tone."

I scoffed in my head. Does he really expect me to be obedient and loyal? "I'm sorry, dear uncle. I'm very frustrated today, is all. I do hope you forgive me." I said in a 'good girl' voice. When really, I could care less about the man. Our family is very refined, so we speak like this, addressing our family members with respectful terms. When in reality, we could strangle each others' throats.

"No worries. Just do my request."

I closed my eyes again. This must be serious, he's never asked for me to do a request. Never. But why should I care what it is, I'll be forced in it one way or another.

"Yes, I'll do it." I replied.

"Good. Obedience is always an attractive trait."

I rolled my eyes. Only to that disgusting man it is.

"Thank you, uncle."

"Now Raven,"

I took a deep breath. I can't always keep on acting like this; I can't keep on pretending; one of these days... one of these days... I'm going to fall apart.

But my stubborn heart, practically has the words "I refuse to break" sprawled all over it.

"I want you to be my personal hitman."

I blinked. What?

"In Tokyo, where my company is, there are- rivals. Let's say, people are out to get me, Raven. They want to kill me. They're out to get me."

"Uncle. I don't know how to kill, more importantly, I_ refuse _to kill."

"You've killed countless already. You're practically a serial killer."

"I... I didn't mean to kill them...! You know my situation better than anyone else! How can you expect me to kill, when I don't want to, but am forced to already, because of this?!"

At this, I felt myself going limp. Unable to move anymore.

"Raven, it's not that hard, and I don't care who you kill, or wjat you think, or what's good for you. I don't care about you. You've been useless to me for 14 years, don't you think you should do something for your uncle, the man who's taken you in?"

I clenched my teeth. This man was disgusting, now, he's sickening. The worse of the worst.

"All you need to do, is play a few little games."

"Games?" I asked.

Uncle chuckled at that. "We both know you're an intelligent girl. You've had meetings with agents from top organizations, and fooled every one of them. That is, with my help. I couldn't let our family have a scandal, could I?"

I closed my eyes. I had been in meetings with agents from top organizations. Twice I had been the prime suspect. And fooled all of them. The FBI, CIA, NDS, ASIO, ABIN, and the CSIS. No, I haven't killed... it's not me doing the killing... it's not... it's not me... but I can't... but I can't... not admit... I'm an indirect killer.

I have been going to different locations, changing names, identities, birth date, anything. Over the past 14 years, I had had been 7 different people. The name I'm using now, is Mayako Shizuri. My real name... my real name is Raven. Raven Tristesse.

"What kind... what kind of games...?" I whispered.

"Mind games. Trick them. Make them feel they're going insane. Scar them. Mess their memories. Make them doubt themselves. Make them fear you. Make them bow down to you."

My hand had been shaking now. That's exactly... what's been happening to me... I've been haunted since I could learn to speak, and I'd been watched, followed, by that person. I don't... w-w-want... anyone to go... through that... no... I- I can't... I c-can't do this.

"Uncle, I-"

"Forget your feelings."

"W-what?"

"Stop caring."

"W-what do you mean? Uncle-"

"You can't love, so why try?"

"Uncle-"

_"Listen to me, Raven. You can't love. You can't care. You can't feel. Doing so will kill. It will kill. Your loved ones, all of them. So why continue having human emotions, when they're all just going to **die**? You can stop. Stop feeling, stop caring. Yes, be cold-hearted. Let your anger out. Become the monster you were meant to be. Kill. Kill, Raven. Without hesitation. What they did to you, do to your victims. Remember, all those things."_

I was crying now. My cheeks were getting wet. Stop feeling...? stop caring...? would they all had been alive... if I hadn't cared? If I hadn't... loved? If I hadn't had human emotions...? would they have lived if I was the monster I was meant to be in the beginning?

"Uncle, please... I... I want to l-"

"Don't you dare say that word. You don't deserve to love."

"Y-Yes. I-I'm sorry, u-uncle." I croaked out. I guess... I'll stop feeling...

"If you disobey me, expect to be punished. Now, you remember the times I punished you?"

My eyes widened at the memories. I'm scared... I'm not safe... that's what I know... now. They were horrible tortures... ones that gave me extreme pain.

"Y-Y-Yes." I stuttered, eyes still wet.

"Good. I'll tell you who to kill later on. For a monster like you, my niece, mind games are your best skill. You can scar many. You can turn others against someone. You can manipulate. You can make them insane. You can make them cry. Doubt themselves. Lose trust in everyone and everything. You can make them fear. You can make them bow down to you."

"Bow down to me...?" I said weakly, my voice a whisper.

"Yes. Think of all the _fun_ you'd have. Become the monster you were, Raven my dear. I hope you enjoy their looks and screams of pain. Trust me, you'll love seeing it."

"But-"

_"You will love it. The screams, the pleas. All of it." He laughed. "You have no idea how capable you are. You are the perfect killer." He said with suc_h glee, you'd thought he had been singing.

"But... I... I... d-d-don't... want... to... k-kill... I don't want to... I don't want to kill! I don't want to... no... I don't... I don't..." I sobbed, sinking onto the wooden floor.

"You can make them cry, You can make them confused. You can make them insane. Manipulate them. Doubt themselves. Lose trust. Anything. You can make them fear you._ You can make them bow down to you."  
><em>

And the line went dead. He had hung up. Bow down to me...? Bow down to me...? just what... did he mean...? The tears kept on rolling down, unstopping. I watched as the tears made a small puddle on the wooden floor. I had sank down to the floor, still clutching the phone inches from my ear. I buried my head into my hands, letting the droplets roll out, I needed them all out... I need to stop... feeling. I continued to cry out, as pieces of my heart broke off. Leaving nothing but a shattered heart, on the brink of ruin.

* * *

><p>AN : The voting for a pairing will end by the end of the first week of June. But I hope this chapter sparks an interest for you! Thank you for reading this so far!  
>Arigato!<p>

-Nell

**UPDATE : **Voting results are on the end of the next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter_ 4 : Dreamless Sleep_

_Disclaimer :_ Once again, I don't own Ouran, except my Original Characters.

_Author's Note : _Thank you to Cutepuppy01, all 3 Guests, and the pandypandas! And I hope you all enjoy!

* * *

><p>After calming myself down, I went to my bedroom, pulling open the covers, I got in, not even bothering to turn off the lights. Actually, I sleep with the lights on. I know this sounds... peculiar, but it's something in the light- so warm and inviting- that I find so peaceful. So peaceful I don't mind sleeping with them on, or waking up at the blare of the lights and the sun's rays. I love it. The light.<p>

After a while, sleep enveloped me, leaving a moisture on my cheeks and pillows. The tears.

_**The Next Morning**_

I fumbled with the pale yellow dress and slipped it on, and took my leather shoulder bag and ran out to the elevator. I pressed the button with

_LOBBY  
><em>

on it. Soft elevator music played as I traced my silver hair between two fingers. This is the first time I am actually able to have my natural hair and eye color. In the past, as 7 different people, I had worn wigs, sometimes dyes, to conceal my hair color, and contacts to change my eye color. This time I was allowed to have my natural hair and eye color.

The elevator door opened, and I ran out. I overslept. I went outside the apartment building, panting. My new chauffeur, I fired the other one, went to open the door for me. I went in. He hurried to his driver's seat and drove.

I sighed. I hadn't had breakfast. Typical. But, there were an assortment of snacks inside the limousine. I took out a bottle of lemonade and a yogurt from the miniature refrigerator.

By the time we had arrived at Ouran Academy, I had finished, and it was only 5 minutes before class started. This chauffeur was better than the last one. I expected to be a few minutes late, but instead was a few minutes early. I threw my garbage in a small trash can nearby. The chauffeur opened the door and I stepped outside, walking to class.

"Hey, see her? She's new isn't she?"

The girls walking behind me were whispering about me.

"Yeah. Mayako, right? That's a cute name, for such a cute girl! But she looks so scary, and distant. Cold, too."

"Yep. She's from the Shizuri family. Never heard of that family though. Have you?"

"No... not really. I just heard her family's big on business. Who knows. But she's albino, that's creepy, don't you think? And her demeanor is creepy too!"

"I know! So scary, and those red eyes of hers; you'd think she was a monster!"

I merely walked ahead.

_'Say what you like.'_ I thought.

I reached my class, 1-A, and took a seat in the back again. Honestly, the room was loud with chatter. The Hitachins, the twins who tried to drag me, trick me, and force me to go to the host club were the center of it all, joking with Haruhi. And frustrating her, too. When I look at the scene, it's just so amusing.

When the sensei entered, we all started to listen to today's lectures.

_**After School**_

I walked outside and waited. Today had been a long day, all I want to do, is finish my homework and sleep for the rest of the night. Standing there, I felt two hands clasped on my shoulders. I turned around.

I give an exasperated sigh. "You don't know when to give up, do you?" I ask.

The two redheads grinned. "Nope."

I sigh again. "What are you going to do this time?"

They exchange mischievous smiles. I arch an eyebrow. I don't understand twins. Never had, never will.

"THIS!" They shout, pulling a brown sack over my head, so quickly and swift, and had my entire body in it within a few seconds. They tied the end of the bag with rope, and hauled me away. They dragged me at a fast pace. I thrashed around, screaming, but it was all pathetic, really. I was rudely dragged along the pavement of the school, in an uncomfortable sack, with a weird smell. Typical.

I thrashed around more, calling for help. Out of all the things they could have done, I didn't expect them to _kidnap_ me.

Soon, I heard a loud thud, and was manhandled onto what I think, was a couch. They pulled off the sack, and I laid on the couch, staring at the 7 figures standing around me. "So, these are the rest of the hosts?" I ask Tamaki, gesturing to the others besides him, Haruhi, and the twins.

"Yes! Now, I will give you a full introduction of the hosts! This is-"

"I'm not taking any of this. I don't know why you keep on insisting I come here, it's not as if I'll be cured here. I'll take my leave now." I say, getting off the couch. I headed towards the door.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!"

I turned around, the Hitachins' were right behind me. My eyes widened, they ran towards me, and yanked both my arms. "Let go! When will you stop?!"

"Why won't you let us help you?!" one of them asked.

"With what?!" I yell, struggling against their grip.

"Boss saw you crying a week ago. In this room, with the lights off." they say.

My eyes started to water at the thought of why I was in here, and what I remembered. And that night my village and parents were killed.

I suddenly had the power to pull both my arms away from them, despite my small physique, and ran towards the door. Only to be blocked by the so-called King. "Please, why don't you let us help you?"

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, YOU DON'T KNOW, YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU'LL NEVER KNOW, YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND, YOU NEED TO GET AWAY FROM ME!" I scream at him. I felt a small tear come out the corner of my eyes. I can't keep living like this.

"You don't know... you don't know... y-you don't know..." My voice quivering, I shook my head furiously.

"Please, tell me, I'll help you."

"No! You can't!" I yell, I ran to the window, latched it open, and climbed out. My foot reached the ground, and I ran.

"Hey!" a voice yells after me.

"We should leave her alone. I think she doesn't want us in her business." Haruhi says.

I continue to run, and saw my chauffeur waiting outside the limo. I start to walk.

"Hello, Ms. Shizuri."

"Hello."

He opens the door for me, and I get in. He starts to drive me away, when I see a stoic expression from one of the hosts. He's standing in the host club room, looking out the window. His expression is emotionless, but I can feel kindness and confusion in it. He's Takashi Morinozuka. Our eyes meet for longer than they should have. It's strange. I feel as if I have a connection to him. I shake my head at the thought, as Ouran Academy faded from the distance.

I sighed.

I can't live like this.

Even if I try and die, I'll just be taken away from the dead. And among the living.

No, I'm not some supernatural creature. I'm not a _zombie_, obviously. But I'm forced to stay alive.

When we had arrived at the apartment building, I ran up to my room as fast as I can. I'm so tired from all this, I need to go and sleep. Into a dreamless sleep.

I used to always dream whenever I slept; but I've never really seen a dream. More likely, nightmares. My own sleeping mind was like a personal Hell. Because of it, I refused to sleep. Dark bags circled my eyes, I did poorly on academics, I couldn't run, and most importantly, I fell asleep in class waking up with a scream.

After months of that, I went to a doctor, who injected some kind of medicine- or drug- I'm not sure which- that disabled me from having any kind of dream, nightmares included. And now, instead of being my personal Hell, that doctor did miracles and now my sleeping mind was my safe haven.

I felt safer. Like I was taking from reality into nothingness. Into a dreamless sleep.

When I opened the door and entered my apartment, I saw something, rather _someone_ I hadn't expected.

"Who are you?" I demanded.

"My code name is Freeze. I came for you."

"Came for me...? I don't believe I know you. Are you... an-"

"No worries, Ms. Shizuri. I came from your uncle. He sent for you."

I stared at Freeze with cold eyes, daring him to move closer to me. He may be lying. He could be. Are they here for me? The FBI or CIA? No matter, if they get me, they kill me. And I'll finally leave.

I quietly closed the door behind me slowly, narrowing my eyes at the figure in front of me.

"You intruded on my property"

"You're forgetting this is an apartment building. It belongs to the landlord." Freeze smirks.

I frown. "What do you want from me?"

He looked confused for a moment. "Didn't you agree with your uncle's deal?"

I roll my eyes. "More like forced in it."

I start to examine him. He's wearing a black suit and tie, black sunglasses covering his eyes, and his brown hair was into a straight-up style for men.

He's silent for a few moments. "Ms. Shizuri, or should I say, Ms. Tristesse." He pauses.

I look at him with silent fear. I know what he's going to say next will be the worst.

"You can't keep running forever. You're a monster. We work under Alfred Tristesse, our master, and we all know the monster you are. Get rid of that innocent facade." Coldyly, he spat the words out, as if I were the very trash of the world itself.

Innocent facade...?

"What innocent facade?" I demand, keeping my voice from breaking.

"You've killed hundreds. I don't know why he even lets you live, instead of turning you over to the authorities. You've killed your friends, elders who supported you, kind strangers who've helped you, and your first love. The pictures of the aftermath is evidence enough you're a monster."

My body is trembling. I... I'm not... I'm not... it's not me... it's not me... it's not me that's doing the killing... it's not me... that's... doing t-the killing... It's not...

"So this should be fairly easy to you, _young mistress."_

"Easy...? Easy...? What- what do you mean?"

Freeze laughs, looking up at the ceiling. "A few weeks ago, three young girls from New York were killed. Their limbs, head, arm, leg, all detached. I wonder... who could have done that?" He looks back at me, a sinister smile playing on his lips. Asami, Hoshiko, Suzu... I... I didn't... I didn't... it... it wasn't... it wasn't me, I swear! It wasn't...!

"It's not-"

"It was you."

"It wasn't!" I scream. I repeated _"It wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't"_ grabbing chunks of my silver hair, shaking my head. It wasn't.

Freeze chuckles. By then, I was out of my trance and stared at him.

"W-What is it?"

"Heh. Young mistress, our master, your uncle, has given you your task."

"My... task?"

He chuckles even more, seemingly echoing in the room.

_"You need to kill."_

* * *

><p>AN : HALLLLOOOOO! THE RESULTS ARE IN! Drumroll, please!

*DRUMROLL*

1. Kyoya - 2 votes

2. Mori - 2 votes (IT'S A TIE BETWEEN MORI AND KYOYAAA)

3. Hikaru - 1 vote

4. OC - 1 vote

5. No one - 1 vote

Thanks for voting! Remember, I won't pick whoever's first or anything. So, she'll be paired up with- That's a secret ;)

But whoever she'll be paired up with in future chapters, it doesn't mean they'll end up together. Or will they...? ;)

Anyway, thank you, I appreciate it a lot!

Until next time~

-Nell


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N : Thank you for reviewing/favoriting/following. Your acts are greatly appreciated._

_Disclaimer : Do I really need to say this? Like, come on._

_Chapter 5 : Truly Happy_

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><p><em>"You need to kill."<em>

The words echoed in my head. Over and over. I'm forced to kill. When I said, I wouldn't kill again. Having to go against my morals by force- if I even did have any morals. Killing. Why would it be, so easy for some people? Don't they realize- the life they are taking away? When death happens- all functions in the human body stop. And they are no longer a living being. They are limp. They are lifeless. They are empty.

Every life has gone through something. Hate, love, pain, envy, happiness, any emotion. They have had memories, and moments of joy. From the time they are born. Go through school years. Finding love. Starting off on their own. Starting a career. Getting married. That joy when their first child is born. Seeing their child grow. Growing a family. Growing old along with their lover. Looking back over the long years. A successful career. Changing lives. Making a difference. Before peacefully dying at the time they should have. These are the things a life holds. And if a killer realized this- would they feel the same about killing?

Or would they continue a life filled with bloodshed, more ecstatic to kill?

And to think... I'm going to be one of them. Not an indirect killer anymore. Just a killer. When I think of this- I remember of that person. How they could massacre everything, with their own bare hands, ruining lives, taking everything away. All for the sake of 'fun'

To imagine my own hands dirtied in blood, for the sake of fun... I can't imagine it. I have 3 months. 3 months. To kill someone I don't even know. The person wouldn't be killed because I loved them. They would be killed by my bare hands, from an order. Sitting on the white couch, covered in a blanket, I stare out at the night sky. Freeze. The man was in here, right when I came back from school. Telling me to kill. The nerve of that man. Showing me the files of said person I was to kill. Forced to listen, forced to follow along.

I closed my eyes. Hoshiko. What would you do, in my situation? Are you angry at me- because of me, your life has been taken away? You are the brave, intelligent, and wise one. You'd know the right thing to do all the time... but what would you do, in my stead? I desperately need help. There's no one around me. I'm alone. Though you can't hear me from the gates of heaven, as heaven has shun me from it's gates since long ago, and even when I cry and scream, even when I'm high enough to hear the voices beyond the gates... heaven doesn't hear me. But I wonder Hoshiko... am I still... your friend?

Sighing, I get up and walk to the kitchen. The lights are barely on. Not that it's not alright in the dark. I am completely comfortable in the dark, but I can't sleep in it. When I sleep in the blare of the lights, and wake up, surrounded by light, sometimes... I still have that tiny shred of hope. Hope has turned into a lie for me, but waking up in the blare of the lights gives me the illusion of hope. And when I wake up in darkness, I remember. I am alone. I am cursed. But waking up in the light- I forget.

Being lazy as I am nowadays, I open up and prepare a cup of instant noodles. It's a miracle I haven't lost myself yet. I would have forgotten who I was, and would have become a being void of all emotions. But I am here. I am still here. The real me is still here. But right now, I feel as if I am slowly losing myself. I think I need to pay him a visit again.

This man that I speak of, is a man who has killed with his bare hands. He single handedly killed men in a government base before he was caught. Countless. There has been countless victims. That man is not my friend. He is not an enemy. But I still dislike him. For killing so many, without a second thought. But he is someone I must see, in times, like now.

Opening up my cup noodles, I took it to the couch, opening my pineapple laptop, I search for plane tickets. To Iraq.

I may sound completely out of my mind about going there when there is a war thriving, but I need to. I'm not going to die anytime soon, anyway. Spring break is in three weeks. I'm going to Iran for a week. Sighing, I search around, it's hard to find tickets to Iraq in these times. I book a ticket to Wisconsin, Michigan, and from there, I will board the flight to Baghdad, Iraq.

Yes, I know there are suicide bombings, random gunfire, counter bombings, roadside bombings, and all the other bombings, but I have went there at least seven times.

Finishing my cup noodles, and printing out the tickets, I went straight to bed. I toss and turn, thinking. To kill. Kill. Killing. To take a life away... I can't... I can't do that. I've taken too many lives to take another... I roll onto my side and fall asleep.

Screw the homework.

* * *

><p>"Ms. Shizuri. What do you have to say about this?!"<p>

"Sorry."

"Is that all you have to say?!"

I sigh. What a nuisance. I never turn in homework late, and always get a high score, and I've only forgotten homework once. I have 6 classes. I have forgotten homework for 5. The other one, I did while I was in school yesterday.

"Mayako didn't do her homework? She never misses one."

"Maybe she's actually a total lazy pig."

"And it's so embarrassing! Everyone knows sensei HATES it when someone forgets his homework."

"She's so annoying. She thinks she's better than everyone. I mean look at her! She never talks to anyone, and when you try to talk to her, she ignores you."

"The albino thing doesn't help at all. She's creepy."

A hushed silence follows along with murmurs of agreements. I roll my eyes. This bunch of students is different from others. They just say it out loud, not caring if anyone hears. While in other places, they would silently whisper. What a bunch. So honest about their opinions.

I don't think I'm better than everyone; I think I am less than everyone. That I don't deserve to even breathe the same air they breathe. I don't want to risk anything or anyone again. This is only to be expected.

"Ms. Shizuri, is that really all you have to say?" the sensei asks.

"Yes."

The sensei glares at me.

"Have you forgotten homework for other classes?"

"Yes."

"How many more?"

"Four."

_"FOUR?!"_

I just stare at him as he gawked. I can't help but wonder if this is the first time anyone's forgotten homework in his class.

"I don't understand why you're so angry and shocked. Why would you even bother worrying about my homework? I always turn it in on time. I'll bring the late homework tomorrow. Instead of worrying about me and my homework, shouldn't you be worrying about the boys in the back copying down their friends' homework?"

The boys in the back freeze up. A small smirk makes it's way to my face. Silent laughter fills the room. The sensei is red in anger.

_"YOU BOYS!"_

The sensei stomps towards them, but stops after a few steps. "Ms. Shizuri, I haven't forgotten about you yet. Turn your homework in first thing tomorrow morning." and he went off to lecture the boys in the back. It wasn't my fault they got in trouble- the gossips would rat them out sooner or later.

Class continued a few minutes after, and before I knew it, class ended. Sighing, I go to my next class. This isn't going to be a good day.

_-Lunch Time-_

I waited in line, and bought my lunch. Seeing that I can't eat in the abandoned music room (or so I thought it was) I had no choice but to sit in the cafeteria. Making my way down the aisle, I hear silent whispers and murmurs. I can feel all eyes on my back. I sat in the corner, setting down my tray, I begin to eat. But it's distracting with all the stares. Everyone has their eye on me, anger and disgust in their faces. All except a certain table...

I think you would understand who I mean.

"Ha~ru~chan~!" Mitsukuni's voice sang out, as childish as ever. Tugging onto Haruhi's sleeve.

"Can I have your homemade cake?" He asked with big eyes.

"NO! I WANT HARU-CHAN'S HOMEMADE CAKE! I'M YOUR DADDY, HARUHI~"

Sweat drops from my forehead.

Instantly, the 'King' starts going into his dramatic self, and all the others participate in lively conversation. All attention was driven back to them. It was ironic. All of them... were so different. Yet alike. I don't know why. But why, is he, not saying anything? By he, I mean the man standing in the corner, always behind Mitsukuni. Like a shadow. Unlike them he iis quiet. Calm. Serious. If these people were taken out of the picture, he would be intimidating, feared. But they are like a mask- hiding him from exposing himself. Rarely saying a word, but would always look after his cousin. Watching over his well-being. Mitsukuni's presence makes him seem as if he is a kind, but quiet gentleman who cares deeply. I wonder, just what is behind his exterior?

He is always with Mitsukuni- but at the times where I see him without the cake-loving blonde, he looked fearsome. Intimidating. Cold. But when with the others, he is seen as the kind and quiet person. Why is that? Is it the people around him that make him seem like that? Was this the atmosphere? Is it the smaller blonde? Is it his family name? Is it his popularity? What is it?

Just when I was out of my trance, I found that I had been staring at him. I don't know how long, but he was staring back at me. We both had stoic expressions, no emotion crossing the other's face. I stared at him until he looked away, and resumed my attention back to my food. Honestly. What is it?

Chewing on my food, I set the fork down, taking out a sketchbook. Yes, I draw. It's the only thing I do other than homework, studying, thinking, and sleeping. I start putting my pencil on the paper. What to draw? Looking over my drawings, I saw what I drew. I drew my feelings into each piece. But it's not as if I had any other feelings aside from the ones I had now. A sketch of a wilted rose. The Black Death. A butterfly stained in blood. There has never been one, happy picture in here. I try and force positivity, as a motivation to move on, and forget. When I know I am lying to myself. I can never move on. Deep inside of me, I know that is a fact. But another side of me keeps pushing me forward. Not letting me look back.

I remember a time when I was truly happy. I remember every detail. I begin to sketch, my meal long forgotten. I start with the curve of the face. Then on to the soft eyebrows, and the outer part of the eyes. I engulf my pencil to the paper, shading here and there, detail over here, no, erase that, was it really like that? My skills are declining these days, tracing the smile, the curve of the lips, is that too much shadowing? yes, erase that.

It went on and on like that in my head, until I finished. The drawing was of a woman. An elderly woman. Her long salt and pepper hair was in a bun, she wore a plaid apron, a long white blouse, soft eyes, her fine wrinkles creasing as she gave a toothy grin.

I smile.

Grammy Diane.

* * *

><p>AN : Hi, I just need to say this. I don't know the full details of the war in Iraq! And remember. This is fiction. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, and if you have any advice for me, I'd love to hear it! If you have any questions, feel free to PM me. Bye!

-Nell


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer : I don't own.  
><em>

_Chapter 6 : I'll Never Know_

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><p>I smile back at the picture. She isn't alive anymore, but at least I knew she was. Even though I had never truly lived, this woman taught me how to live. To move on. To live. I felt the feeling rise up in my chest. Flashes of memories passed by. A feeling of sadness mixed with happiness. I wonder who I could have been, if I had never met her. 6 years ago. An 8 year old girl who had given up. Who saw no point in living. Me.<p>

"Mayako?"

Snapping out of my thoughts I look up in surprise when the girl dressing as a boy tapped on my shoulder. She blinked, and before her eyes could move towards the picture, I closed it. "Sorry if I surprised you there, but I just came to tell you that lunch just ended and if we don't hurry we'll be late. You're in my class right? Wanna walk with me?" I pause and stare at her before slowly nodding. Putting the sketchbook back into my bag, I followed her to class.

We walked in silence for a while until I broke the ice. "If you're thinking you can get me to open up, you might as well give up." I say. The girl just sighed and laughed a little. "I had a feeling you'd say that." I was a little confused. "You don't need to open up to me. Rather, I just want to talk to you." she answered. "My name's Haruhi by the way, in case you didn't know."

I look back at her. "You just want to talk to me...?" I ask. She nodded. "Why?" At that, Haruhi laughed, which left me even more confused. "Just cause." she answered. "Just cause...?" my voice trailed off. But I stopped in my tracks when a memory of my old friends flash by, one by one. The start of our friendship started with their persistence in trying to even talk to me. I stopped myself in my tracks and mentally slapped myself. How can I be so stupid?

"I don't want to talk with you. Ever. I don't socialize with commoners." I spat. "You and I belong to different worlds; Commoners have no place here. Why are you even here? You're nothing. You have no wealth or status. Don't talk to me again." I walked towards class, leaving Haruhi shocked. I sat in the corner of class. A few seconds later, Haruhi walked in, looking confused, shocked, and hurt. I turn away, and send my attention towards the teacher, starting class. It's strange. I'm the one that said that to her, so why does my chest hurt...?

_- After School -_

I began making my way outside of the academy, when I see a girl with average length black hair, and a remorse look in her eyes in the corner. She held a small wooden item in her hand, and before I could turn around to see what it was, she was gone. I blinked, and looked all around me. Who was she, and why was she following me? She couldn't have been from the United States, to track me down. Uncle made sure to cover my tracks. Students walking by stared at me oddly and snickered. "Look. It's the yeti." muttered a girl. I couldn't care less. I began looking everywhere before stopping. I was probably being paranoid from the years of running. Finding nothing of concern, I begin walking outside.

Before I walk out of the academy though, a pair of hands grab me. "Let go of me." I say, trying to break free. But his grip was strong, and me having a small frame didn't help. I pull and pull, and think of any way to break free but fail. The look in his eyes were serious, clouded with anger and frustration. Seeing how useless it was, I gave up breaking free. "What do you want?"

"Why did you say that to Haruhi?" he said, angry. I had never seen the look in his eyes before. Whenever he was around, happiness and kindness flowed around him like oceans and oceans of optimism. I was disgusted. The others in his 'host club' were happy. They were in a sphere filled with happiness and laughter. Something I haven't had the chance to truly feel. I envied them all. How could they live with so much happiness...? Is the question I have frequently asked myself whenever I watched the group in a distance. Always smiling. Always happy. Always together. _Together. _

"Say what...?" I whisper avoiding his eyes. "What you said to Haruhi. After lunch." I look up at him. "It was only the truth. I couldn't care less if anyone talked to me. Let me go. Leave me alone, and don't bother me again." It was a lie. The words I spoke were lies. Everything I had said of myself is a lie. I did care if anyone talked to me. I did care if I was alone. I don't want to be forgotten. I don't want to be left alone.

"It was cruel of you to say that to Haruhi. He only wanted to talk to you because-"

"Because she took pity on me? I don't need your pity."

"No, it wasn't pity, but he saw how sad you looked and wanted to cheer you up." At this he softly smiled.

He liked her, didn't he? But the main question I have, is why is she dressed as a boy? "Will you leave me alone now?" I say nearly yelling. "Only if you agree to visit the host club at least once." I scowl at him. "No." His grip on me only grew tighter. "No." this time, I stepped on his foot, and he let go and began hopping on one foot like an idiot.

I walk outside, and the chauffeur has already opened the door for me, waiting patiently. I get inside, and we drive back to my apartment. I stared out at the road, watching the places we zoom by. What peculiar people. When I think back of that group, I remember my idiocy. In the past, I had always wanted to just be accepted. I remember watching others laugh, talk, and just be together. I remember watching them. I remember wanting to be one of them. I remember being alone.

I remember of knowing I would never be one of them. And I still never will. I have always felt so... numb. So void of life. So... dead. People died. They all died. _They all died._ Despite knowing that, I... a part of me... never wanted to be alone. Why would they want me to visit them...? I'll never be fixed. Although my heart is shattered now, I can see the pieces clinging to each other- so desperately- trying to remain a heart- if I even had one. Who am I...? What am I...? Where am I...? Who is Raven Tristesse...? My head is screaming with these questions. Who am I really?

I don't know anymore. I haven't lost myself... but it will just be a matter of time. At this rate... I don't know. I blankly shift my eyes to my book bag. Taking out my sketchbook, I run my hands along it's spine. The faded cream colored book laid on my lap, brown at the edges from age. A pale yellow butterfly in it's center. I flip the pages. One after one, my mind drifts to Grammy Diane. I flip onto the most recent page, staring at the traced smile. The pain builds up. I have never achieved anything. I kept on losing, and losing, and losing. I was never the winner... never was, never will. I always lost. _  
><em>

But everytime I think of her, I remember my small victory. Understanding. That crazy old woman, the one who dragged me everywhere in town, no matter what the people or children thought of me. I always looked miserable when she did drag me everywhere- but in time, I felt... happy. She dragged me to the market, the farms, everywhere. And by dawn, I would be helping her in the kitchen (I was forced) silently working while she hummed. I remember hearing a woman ask her,

_"Why are you trying to get along with that child? I' would have made sure my children stay away from that child. So rude, arrogant, and distant. That child's a lost cause. She's hopeless. So why?" _

_Grammy Diane just sat in her rocking chair and laughed. "Because it's my job. Making children laugh. When I see children like that child, I want to make them smile. No matter what." _

_The woman sighed. "Of course. You love children too much." _

_"Hehehe, of course. Children. What do you see in them?"_

_"Umm... my husband and I?"_

_"Hehe, no, I mean, all children. Do you know what children are? The future. They are the future. Our future. Soon, they will be the leaders of the future, they will be many, many things. And for the future, we, as grown ups, are responsible for them, the future." _

_"I'm not so surprised hearing that from you. You are unable to have children, after all." _

_"Hm, I guess. But, children are the future. They will carry on our blood, our sacrifice, our tears, and for many, childhood is the time that affects us all. What we learned as children, what we were taught, makes up part of the person we are today. Emily... that child has such a pained look in her eyes, she's always alone, don't you notice that when the children play, she's always in the corner, just sitting there?"  
><em>

_"Why yes. But of course, she's a weird child. Where are her parents anyway? To have their daughter behave like this, and have her live in a house all by herself just with the servants? And how did they raise her to behave so rudely? Horrible parents. I'll never be that kind of parent." snapped the woman. _

_Grammy Diane shook her head. "She's always sitting there staring off into space. Always in a trance, ya know? She's always thinking. But parents... when I ask her about her folks, she gets up and leaves. But it breaks my heart to see a child so unhappy."_

I remember standing by the door, wearing the black haired wig and green contacts to conceal my looks, and was lost in thought. Was that why the old woman cared about me so much? Even after what I was like when I first met her? I didn't understand. I wasn't worth anything, I wasn't going to be a part of the future she said I was in. I wasn't. Why did this old woman... care?

At first, I didn't exactly open up. I was distant, hurtful, and bratty. But overtime, I learned to get used to the old woman's persistence, and eventually... stopped being distant.

Days after that, I wasmore confused. I didn't understand.

_"Emily? Emily?" _

_I was cutting apples, when I forgot that my name was Emily now, not Raven. "Yes?" _

_"What's going on with ya?"  
><em>

_"Nothing of your concern." _

_"Emily." _

_"No. Get off my back, old lady." _

_She sighed and sat down next to me. "I don't know what you were thinking when you heard me and Betty, but it wasn't good, eh?" I was silent. "You don't always need to open up to someone to feel happy. Just simply expressing your feelings will. Actions speak louder than words, people say things so easily now, but do they have the will to actually do it? No, not everyone. But a simple action shows more emotion than words. You don't need to tell me. Show me. _

_I barely know much about you, your history, or where you came from. But I do know that you're unhappy." She took her hand and rubbed my back. "It's okay. It's okay, Emily. During my 78 years of living, I've learned that this world is very ugly... but very beautiful. No matter what pain we go through, the pain just makes us stronger." I felt tears in my eyes. _

_"It's okay to cry every once in a while. I know you're strong. And crying every once in a while doesn't make you weak. It makes you strong. Because you're strong enough to cry, brave enough to show your emotions, whether it's to yourself or to someone, and have the courage to feel sad." _

_"WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT PAIN?!" I scream, taking her hand off my back and yelling at her. She looked taken aback. I hadn't yelled or screamed all the time I'd been here. "WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT LOSING EVERYTHING, AND EVERYONE YOU LOVED?! WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT BEING ALONE?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, SAYING STUFF LIKE THAT! WHAT DO YOU KNOW, OLD LADY?! WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS, THIS WORLD?! WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!" I stopped screaming, stopped to collect my breath. _

_She didn't say anything, but softly smiled, and brushed her black and white bangs across her aged face. "You're right. I don't know. I'm just an old woman out in the country." She stopped, thinking. "But you can't be wrong about what I know from experiencing, living, dreaming. There are things that you know, and things that I know. Everyone knows what they know. But right now, I do know that you're sad, and you need someone." She put her hand on my back again. "It's okay. I'm here. You may be alone, but right now I'm here, and that's all that matters." _

_My 8 year old self, the small, girl that was afraid, broke down. I hugged her in a death grip, and cried. I cried. For the first time ever since I was 2 and lost my parents. She gently hugged me, and brushed my hair. I screamed. I cried. For the longest time, just crying and letting all the unhappiness out. "Grammy..." I croaked out after calming down. It was the first time I had called her that, instead of 'old lady' _

_"Yes?"  
><em>

_"Thank you..."  
><em>

_"For what?" _

_"For helping... me..." _

_She smiled again. "Your welcome, Emily." _

_Despite what she did for me, she still didn't know my real name, who I really was, and it didn't matter to her. From that day on, I learned how to cry.  
><em>

_But as time passed, and I grew to love her, and think of her as my own grandmother, like the others, she was taken away. I'll never forget what she did before dying. She smiled, and told me "I love you." _

_Even if she died... because of me... because of me... why she told me "I love you" and smiled when she died... I'll never know._

* * *

><p><em>AN :_ Yeah, I know, I know what you're all wondering. WHY IS THERE SO LITTLE OF THE HOST CLUB?! The host club was supposed to appear more starting this chapter, buuuuttttt, I was on a writing craze and ended up with this. There isn't more of the host club yet since there isn't much of a reason why the host club should associate with her yet, but it'll be soon. Also, some news for this fanfiction :

First, I decided to make this a love triangle between Raven, Kyoya, and Mori since those two had the most votes.

And second, I'M MAKING A HALLOWEEN SPECIAL! Whooooo! And I have a little contest if you guys wanna participate. It's really simple. All you gotta do is tell me one of the funniest Halloween experiences you've had, and the one that cracks me up the most wins. The winner gets to tell me a scene they want to see happen, example : "I wanna see Kyoya twerk" or "I want to see a romance scene between *blank* and *blank*" or anything except things that would reveal things about the plot and other things you're wondering about. I just realized I said things three times in a row O.o Oh well. So, tell me your Halloween experience and a scene you want to see happen by PM or review, and on October 31st (in my time zone) the winner will be announced, and their chosen scene will be in the special. Thanks for reading, and good luck!

-Nell


	7. Chapter 7

_Disclaimer : _If I owned Ouran, the producers/staff would sue me. Don't ask why.

_Cursed : (Super Duper Late) Halloween Special : Borderline_

* * *

><p><em>AN :_ Hey! I'm _really, really, really _sorry for the late update! I had a few personal matters that I needed to go through. I know, it's been 3 weeks, you have every right to be angry, but I had 4 tests to study for, including homework and after school activities. Then my grandma fell, and had a hip replacement, but now that everything calmed down (at least for now...) I'll try to update more, promise! So, for the contest, I had 3 people enter, and the winner is... AnimeBestie! It really reminded me of Modern Family XD And why I have a Halloween special when Thanksgiving is in a few days? I'm just badass like that.

And be warned when you read this- it's sort of gory. Anyway, her request was : I guess I want to see what happened in my friend's Halloween experience happen in this.

So, we'll be seeing that happen later! Hope you enjoy!

* * *

><p><em>"She's like a ghost." <em>

_"A demon. A demon." _

_"Why is she so mean?" _

_"There's even limits to how introverted you can be, you know." _

_"She's probably nothing but a smartass." _

Whatever they said to you before, you'll always forget, but then you'll always remember. It really just comes down to surviving each day. Maybe that's why he never forgets. The man who killed my friends. Just seeing his face on that day, when he stared at me, as if he had found something. When it really wasn't that something. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm not. I don't know.

Everyone's going to the school yard at night tomorrow, for the test of courage. October 31st. The day of the dead. I'm far from excited for tomorrow. I continue writing. Each and every time, it was the same. That man never believed me. I wasn't her. I never was. I never will be. But each and every time, it was always the same. He never believed me. He kept on denying. Maybe it was guilt that forced him. Maybe it was desperation. Maybe.

The bell rang, and I gathered my things and headed out. The maybes filled my mind. Whatever it was, he made my life Hell. He took everything from me. I would give anything, anything, even if it was myself, just to have one thing given back to me. Even if it meant death, even if it meant starvation, I just wanted something, even just a fraction of it, given back to me. Whatever it was.

I got into the line, and waited. At the corner of my eye, I saw it again. That girl with the dark hair and eyes, just staring at me, but every time I looked back, nothing was there. This time, she was there in the corner longer than all the other times, before I whipped my head around. Nothing. I clenched a fraction of my dress, as I focused on evening my breathing. I didn't see anything. It was just my paranoia. Just my paranoia.

My eyes darted back and forth. I ordered a coffee from the cashier, and exited the line. When I was going to a seat, I saw her again. She was right beside a plant. I widened my eyes. Squeezing them, shaking my head. She was still there. It's been weeks, and this was the only time she didn't disappear before I turned my head around. My breathing went up again. Why was she following me? She wore the girls' uniform, so she must have been a student here, but why follow me? Then, she ran off.

Frowning, I put my coffee away on a table, and chased after her. Why would she follow me? We continued running, and I was almost out of breath. I don't know where we were, but all I wanted to know was why she was following me. I had thought it was my paranoia. When she stopped at a door. I stopped, and began panting heavily. I wasn't a good runner. She turned around, before going inside. I raised my eyebrow, before opening the door, and going inside. It was completely dark. Nothing was visible.

I pulled at the door, but it wouldn't budge. I heard a laugh, and candles lit up, and there were people sitting on red couches, all in black, the interior completely vintage, like the Victorian era, the girl sitting on one chair herself, wearing a black dress, while the one wearing a dark shirt and pants laughed, with a cat puppet in his hand. _"Welcome." _

I absently stared at them while the one with a cat puppet laughed. _"How are you, Ms. Shizuri...?" _I took a step back while my hands trembled. His dark hair covered his eyes while he walked up to me, the rest calmly sitting on their couches. Grinning. "Umehito Nekozawa." he introduced. "Mayako Shizuri... who are you people?" He only laughed, before the entire room, and everyone in it, disappeared. I turned my head around. Nothing. There was nothing there. Just pitch black.

I heard laughter. I heard screaming. I heard crying. I turned around, to see a someone facing away from me, hugging his knees, sobbing. I stared at him, before I came with realization. I ran up to him, yelling, "Is it really you?! Daniel, Daniel-" he turned around, and I saw the flesh on his face melting, the skin sagging down, the veins, and red meat coming down along with it. His eyes started trailing down, and his sobbing stopped, before he grinned, so wide, silently laughing, before it got louder, and _louder._

He got up, and I stepped back a few steps, while he rose, the rest of his flesh just kept on _melting. _His laughter got _louder._ "Daniel...? Daniel...?" I repeated, my breath caught in my throat, as I watched the melting mass of flesh, red skin, and blood trail over to me. _"Raven..." _I frantically turned my head around, my hands trembling. Someone, whoever it was, hissed out my name, and kept on repeating it, over and over. Daniel came closer to me, his laughter ringing in my ears, while I backed up, only to feel the wall on my back.

His flesh was gone. The liquid of his flesh oozed behind him, while all that was left of him was the red meat beneath his skin, but without the skin, the blood kept on pouring out of his body, as he kept melting. Why... why was this happening? Why am I being followed? _WHY DO I KEEP WAKING UP A KILLER?!_

He was inches away from me. Inches. I stared at his eyes, that melted, and trailed down to his chest, while his smile stayed in place. I could smell the _stench_ of his meat, his melted hand held my own, and he grinned wider. The voices kept on repeating it. My name. I froze when I felt the blood, and his skinless hand touching mine, before he took the other, and held both my hands above me. No, no, no, no, no, no... I shook my head, as I felt the liquid from his melting hand ooze down onto my hair, and down my face.

With what was left of his other hand, he tilted my face, before coming closer to mine. I screamed, I thrashed around, but his grip only grew tighter. I was trapped. Defenseless. He wasn't Daniel. He wasn't. It wasn't him...! I screamed, I yelled, but to no avail. I closed my eyes, while I trembled, and the fear began building up. The monster was closer to me. Closer. I turned my head away, feeling his melted finger rip off from the impact, and he screamed, before he dived towards me, while my eyes flew upon, only to find nothing. Again.

_"Why..." _

_"Why did you do this to us...?" _

_"Raven-chan, how could you...?" _

_"If only I never met you." _

The voices kept repeating. And repeating. I recognized them. "Stop, please! I didn't mean it... I didn't mean it... I didn't do it! It wasn't me, it wasn't, it wasn't, _it wasn't!"_ I gripped my hair, and pulled it, blocking my ears, while I kept on shaking, the voices continuing._ "IT WASN'T ME, I SWEAR! I NEVER KILLED, I NEVER DID, IT WASN'T ME! PLEASE BELIEVE ME, PLEASE!" _I panted heavily, while the air in my lungs started to disappear. _"Please..." _

_"La la, la la la la, la la la..." _

"What...?" I looked up into the nothingness.

_"Broken doll..."_

_"Broken doll..." _

_"Broken doll..." _

I tensed. I screamed, and ripped at my hair, I blocked my ears with my hands, while the chant continued. And then they appeared. Dolls. They stared at me, in their porcelain skin, eyes gleaming, while they all cocked their head to the side. The chanting continued. Dozens of little string puppets flocked to me, one right by my head. Afraid, I slapped it away, and kicked at all the others. Blood streamed out of their heads, and intestines pooled out of their bodies. I widened my eyes. "NO! STAY AWAY FROM ME!" I ran away, and the wall of dolls blocked my way. The chanting continued. Memories of my parents' death flooded into my mind. But I was a toddler, so how could I have understood that word, when all the others, were unknown to me?

That's right. My first words were "Broken doll"

My mother all cut up, was declared one of them.

No, she was declared her killer's broken doll.

I ripped at my hair, screaming. _"WHY, WHY, WHY?! WHAT DID I DO, WHAT DID I DO, WHAT DID I DO?!"_ I panted heavily. I sank to my knees, and eyed the floor, never keeping my eyes off of it, like it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I stared at it. And stared at it. What did my life mean? What did they mean? What did all_ this _mean? I laughed. Hard. I chuckled fondly, before glaring up at the wall of dolls, laughing in their faces, maniacally, hysterically. It stopped. The chanting. But I, but I- I kept on _laughing._

_"YOU LITTLE SHITS!" _

I got up, and as if I was in a drunken stupor, I walked to the wall of dolls, as they blinked. I slowly, just so slowly, walked to them. I eyed the floor, before lifting my face and grinning at the doll in front of me. I ripped it's head off. I was in the line between laughing and crying. Despair and madness running through me like the blood in me. The borderline of insanity and sanity. I stared at all the little devils in front of me, before I ruined them all. I tore off their arms, stomped them into the ground, while the other dolls walked towards me. I tore them limb from limb, ruining their porcelain skin. I cleared a path for me.

Clutching a plastic arm, I turned around, as string puppets, and teddy bears and little christmas soldiers and more dolls walked towards me. I snapped out of my doll killing craze. All of these dolls, all of them, were now broken. Like my mother. But then, I remembered. I wasn't the predator. I was the prey. And these little dolls, these little fucking dolls, were the predators. The remaining dolls I didn't kill glared at me with beady black eyes, while the ones behind me came closer. And closer.

Fear went through me like a bullet, and I ran. I ran, as images of the past continued to haunt me, making my blood run cold. I didn't want to run. I just wanted to just lay down, and let them kill me. But I couldn't. How could I, when so many died because of me, and when so many told me to live on?

_"Raven, no! Run, leave me, LIVE ON!" _

_"Live on..." _

_"Promise me you'll live on..." _

_"Live on...! One day, you'll find where you belong!" _

_"Leave us, live on..." _

_"No, you can't... you need to live on." _

_"Live on!" _

_"Live on." _

_"Live on..."  
><em>

So I ran. How could I die, here, now? But even if I tried to die, I wouldn't have died anyway. He... he would come and prevent me. He was the source of my pain. He needed to be gone. So I ran. For what felt like hours, while every turn I made, dolls appeared. Everywhere I go. And the more broken they became. I'm becoming insane. I'm about to snap. I'm just hoping- just hoping- that the single shred of humanity left in me would save me. When I spotted a hallway filled with doors, I quickly chose one and opened it, before I was met with blood. I looked up to see a woman clad in blood, horns and everything, her teeth yellow, rotting, her eyes hollowed out.

I screamed. "The devil. The devil..." I shook my head as fast as I can to blur the image away, while the devil woman screeched. She was taller than me by about 5 feet, and everytime she came closer to me, blood poured out at her joints. She was only red. The only thing she contained was the red meat, her bones, and the pouring was skinless. I screamed. I ran away, but the devil chased after me, grabbing at my hair with her bloodied hands, staining my hair, as she kept on pulling on it, before I escaped her grasp, and I ran, and ran, and ran.

The fear killed me inside. The devil sickly laughing at my pitiful mental state. My legs were numb, but I kept on running. It felt like running in circles, for forever. Like a carousel, for eternity. I ran, hoping it was all just a nightmare. By this time, I wish it really is a nightmare.

* * *

><p><em>The Black Magic Club...<br>_

Nekozawa watched as the albino screamed, and shook. The girl was pitiful. They, the black magic club, watched her. Nekozawa had chloroform, and put it over her nose, putting her unconscious. They had strapped her to a chair, and Daichi, the mind manipulator, was unconscious as well. His black magic enabled him to manipulate minds, and now, he was manipulating the girl's mind, testing her mental state.

"Reiko."

"Yes?"

"Explain."

Reiko, the princess of curses, nodded. "She's been cursed. By who, I don't know, but they are strong, terrifyingly strong." Nekozawa eyed her, noticing that she was shaking. Reiko was concentrating on finding the root of the curse in this girl. The albino was not Mayako Shizuri of the Shizuri Corps. There wasn't even any Shizuri corps. It was a lie. She wasn't who she said she was.

"Th-This curse..." Reiko continued, "I... I don't know what it is!"

Nekozawa widened his eyes. Reiko always knew. "What?!"

Reiko gulped, shaking, as she concentrated on the girl, trying to find the root of her curse, before she fainted. When the others knelt down to help her, her eyes flew open, and she gasped for air. Nekozawa knelt down and shook her shoulders. "Reiko? Can you hear me?"

"Y-Yes..."

"What happened?!"

She didn't say a word. "Reiko? REIKO!" He shook her shoulders roughly, before stopping. He glared at the albino girl. If her curse did anything to one of his precious club members, he would kill her himself. Sure, others saw no threat to the Black Magic Club, but they were more than idiots wearing black cloaks with stupid cat puppets. It was all fake. Of course they had to lie to the public about their true nature- anything exposed would mean they would be disbanded, or even worse, hunted by the cult, for revealing their secrets,

But in reality, they were so much more. They knew how to summon the dead, manipulating minds, driving people to insanity, terrible ways to kill, cursing, and so, so much more. He glared at the albino and smirked.  
>If she was useless, then... what was another life taken going to mean?<p> 


End file.
